G6, you are a blessing.

Sure, you probably just thought “what does she have to write about a car that is anything substantial?” Thank you for taking a leap of faith and reading anyways, I’ll promise you there is something meaningful (to me at least) in this post.

So I did get a new car, a black G6. I am pretty darn thankful that I was able to receive this, it is definitely a step up from the swagger wagon (’97 Plymouth Voyager Mini Van) that I have been driving the past three years. The swagger wagon does have a part of my heart and always will, I still don’t really feel like the G6 is “me” yet, but that will come in time. To get to the point of this post I’m just going say it: driving my new car, I haven’t felt as close to God in a long time. Silly? maybe…pathetic? well, to me it is both of those things to an extent but also a BLESSING. I have been traveling the mid west with my Camp Team this summer loving on kids and showing them how cool you turn out to be when you go to Anderson University but really, I’ve been a camp counselor all summer and it has been one of THE most tiring jobs in every aspect of my life. Most of all, tiring spiritually. It was the last thing I was expecting. I was ready in early June to be on such a spiritual high all summer…boy was I wrong. Instead, it has been challenging, frustrating and numbing. The constant worship and sitting in services just brought me to this place of routine. I personally don’t believe that any relationship should be a routine, especially one with God. It wasn’t the camps fault, it was my own. Coming to that conclusion early on didn’t seem to help me much down the road, it just made me feel worse for not making time for the only one who could get me out of this. So, at this time of finally being done with camp, re-fueling in every aspect of my life, I have still struggled to be out of this dry season. I have had many fruitful conversations and sat in wonderful services, but it just hadn’t gotten me anywhere yet. But you know what has? my G6. Finally being able to listen to music at a volume that can be heard above my AC, I get to enjoy my music while I drive. More importantly, worship music. It is nice being able to drive down the road while looking at the beautiful scenery and be able to hear and sing along with Klove, Hillsong, Alanna Story, etc. whatever I end up choosing. I have begun to notice that some of my most genuine worship takes place while I’m driving. It has been something that is encouraging as I get out of the desert I’m stuck in. Sure my eye’s aren’t closed, but you don’t have to close your eye’s to let God know how much you appreciate Him. This is something that has become evident to me within the last few days and I wanted to share. I’m not much of a blogger (as you can tell if you see the date of my last post), I’m in the “insecure blogger” stage. So, with that said, I will take comments, they are appreciated. It is always nice having feedback. I hope reading this has been beneficial to you, I hope you can think of where you feel your worship is most genuine, and maybe the last time it was that you pulled out a worship CD while you were driving or when you had your local christian radio station playing. I have benefited from both and I hope you can to.

Getting Past Your Ideas.

“Do not judge and you will not be judged, do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37

A lot of things have been on my heart and in my head today and this evening…

Today is MLK day, a day that represents a lot for our country and the different races in it. It reminds us of the troubles faced, the judgment that caused pain and the hope that brought accomplishment. I have been thinking a lot about judgment recently. When I think about it, it brings upon anger, frustration and guilt. I become angry because I think of what people go through due to judgment. For example, the African Americans through out the past and even present day. Growing up watching films in school, learning about discrimination and witnessing it just brings upon sadness and anger. Discriminating based solely on what someone looks like is just unfair beyond belief. You can’t see their hearts or their thoughts based on someone’s skin color, that’s just impossible. It’s not even just judgment with race, but in general. It disappoints me to an extreme. I surely do not like being judged and I don’t believe anyone really does. The way someone looks or the struggles they have faced/face do not always define a person. I said above about feeling guilty, because it is nearly impossible to not judge someone. When you see someone you automatically get that “first impression.” It may not even be in a negative way, but it happens. I hurt for the people who are affected by it and for doing it myself. Judgment is something that I am so ashamed of. I am so very guilty of judging people and I hate that. Who am I to judge? I have my own faults and struggles. All I can do is pray about it as well as try to slow down my mind, catch my self. As I pray for myself with this issue, I am encouraging anyone reading this to begin praying about how you could help yourself if judgment is something that is a struggle. I ask for you to pray that God will fill your heart with love and forgiveness and to give you an open mind and heart. I also encourage that you think of someone you might possibly be judging and get to know them, get past the first impression you have received. Look further, beyond the ideas in your head.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

“When you judge someone, you have no time to love them.” I find that quote so true. I’ll leave you with this question to think about and ask yourself…

What if everybody’s sins were written on their chest for everyone to see? Would their be more room for judgment or compassion?

Thank you 2010, Let’s welcome 2011!

I know it is cliché  to blog on new years eve, talking about the things you are hopeful for in the new year and blah blah blah, but I am in my blogging mood, so please don’t shoot me down

2010 has probably been the best year for me in the past 5 or so years. I got to experience a lot of broken relationships heal and I could not be more thankful. I graduated high school and moved on to college, a major change that was definitely needed. College brought so many new friendships that I can not be more excited to watch grow as well as wonderful experiences for me to partake in. I have finally found a church that makes me excited to get up on Sunday mornings and I have begun to see what God has blessed me with.

My hopes for 2011?

God will fully open my eyes. Open my eyes to the beauty inside of me and what plans he has for me, open my eyes to what his love can really do for me and how I can share it with the world. Open up my eyes to see blessings he has given me.

God will o p e n my heart. Open up my heart to other broken people in the world, open up my heart to let his love flow out of me and on to others. Open up my heart to want his love over anyone person or object. Open up my heart to those who have hurt me. Let forgiveness, peace and love be the only thing that resides in my heart.

God will fill my mind. Fill my mind with wisdom. Fill my mind with positive words to encourage myself and others around me. Fill my mind with the truth.

to sum it all up, I hope he begins to shape me into the person he planned me to be and that I can be content in knowing I am his and doing good work for him.

As I share these hopes, It begins to encourage me already. Not that I have not already experienced some of those desires, I just want them to become evident to me and constant. I cannot begin to let God do these things until I also put in my effort. I want to begin this new year praying that I will be able to dive into his word on a daily basis and begin knowing him better.

Day 4…

During most of high school I always had a devotional. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find one that I really connect with and really enjoy doing. I know that there are so many out there, I even have one at home, but I just could not seem to get anything out of it. I seem to think it doesn’t have to do with the book anymore, but probably my focus on my time with God. Therefore, that devotion will be picked up next time I am home! Anyways, BECAUSE I do not have a devotion book at the moment, I flip the bible open randomly and pray that God will lead me to the right passage to read. He of course, does. I opened my bible to Psalms 100 last night and just began reading. Psalms is one of my favorite books. Something about all the different emotions put into one book leaves me so comforted. I ended up reading Psalms 100-104 last night and Psalms 102 really stuck out to me, I will share a bit that really hit me…

“24 So I said: “Do not take me away, O my God, in the midst of my days; your years go on through all generations. 25 In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. 26 They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. 27 But you remain the same, and your years will never end. 28 The children of your servants will live in your presence; their descendants will be established before you.”

Psalms 102 is explained as…”A prayer of an afflicted man, when he is faint and pours out his lament before the Lord.” The beginning of the prayer begins with him crying and begging for God to listen to him and answer his prayers. He then leads on to start talking about the struggles of his days and what he has turned into. When I started reading I was thinking “goodness, how depressing, why would I want to sleep with THIS on my mind??” but I was too quick to think. The man starts talking about God and how he will provide and how he is stable, he begins to find hope…(The entire psalm is pretty lengthy, so I would encourage you to read the whole thing at some point to get the whole effect of the mans prayer.) Right now, in my life, hope is something that is evident. Beyond the struggles I have been facing recently, God just hasn’t let me down. It is most definitely a great feeling to know that no matter what doubts I start to face at the beginning of my day or what I begin to think about too much, he provides an intervention, someone or something to show up to change my ways of thinking. Not to say that I do not still have things that linger in the back of my head, certain doubts and struggles, but I have something to hold onto, to rely on. I am having to rely on other things around me rather than Facebook, twitter etc. to fulfill certain needs or fulfill time. The world will never give you what you need, nor the people in it. I guess to wrap up this post, God will bring you through things, no need to lose hope, he is the ultimate provider, the forever stable thing in your life, the one who will NE VER let you down. soak it in…

“Still I know it’s like pulling teeth
To try and convince me
That Your mercy can be bigger than what I deserve
I guess I’m just afraid to go head first
Into such a wave, drowning in wonder and peace
Knowing that it will never make sense
That I am loved by You, really loved by You

Unchangeable, unconquerable
Immovable, irremovable
Unwavering, untiring
Unflinching, stubborn love of God” <3

“Tell Me” Bethany Dillon

ps. I’m on a Bethany Dillon kick…just.can’t.get.enough.!

A week without Facebook and Twitter…what is my life?!

I haven’t written in my blog but once, but I feel like I have found a good topic to document. In the past I have abused weblogs (i.e. just complain or write too much emotion) and so I am careful what I write and when I write.

Right now I am in the middle of my first semester of school at Anderson University….to say the least I am LOVING it. I can’t believe how fast time has gone so far, I have met people I feel like I have known my entire life. I am very thankful for where I am today, I am in a great christian environment surrounded by amazing and supportive people. I am beginning so many amazing new friendships and I am growing in older ones. God is doing some amazing things in my life and I could not be more excited for each and every day.

Now on to the topic of my blog post…

I have started attending Genesis Church in Noblesville for about a month now and am really loving it. The pastor spoke on distractions we have in our life that keep us from God. The first thing that popped in my head was…facebook and twitter. So, in the middle of the service I decided to delete the two apps from my phone because I knew if I didn’t then, I would convince myself not to later on. It was something that happened so quick it is almost like I had no control over what was happening, I could not believe I had just done that, I knew I would benefit from it in the end though. I’m on day 3 of no social networking…it’s been a struggle. I am so used to ‘tweeting’ every funny thing that happens or certain lyrics and mostly just whatever the heck I’m doing. Facebook…it’s just a horrible horrible bittersweet addiction. I have begun to realize how much I depend on it for many different reasons, some unhealthy and some that aren’t. I miss being able to check up on other people and leaving wall posts for the people on my mind. I also miss receiving the same things…which is what makes me realize what type of dependency I have on it. Yesterday and today I have found out that I am about to have a rough week full of tests and possibly a rough week emotionally, God could not have picked better timing for me to do this.

I’ve decided to document my every day on my blog, reflect on what I’m learning, and what I’m receiving from my alone time with God. Some might think I’m just using THIS as a replacement for it all, and maybe in some ways I am, but I really just want to be able to look back on what was different and how I benefited in the future. We’ll see if I get to it EVERYDAY…I’m starting to wonder how I made time for facebook and twitter.

(The whole no facebook thing sure is helping out with homework, so that will come before my blog EVERDAY )

I hope those reading this will end up finding it interesting and take something from what I document. I also hope it  challenges other to possibly take a break if they can relate with my struggles.

Love, Jess (:

“…But You’re the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear

You are all I need when I’m surrounded
You are all I need if I’m by myself
You fill me when I’m empty
There is nothing else
You’re all I need”<3

oh crap…did I miss something?

RUSH–verb (used without object)

1.  to move, act, or progress with speed, impetuosity, or violence. 
2. to dash, esp. to dash forward for an attack or onslaught.
3. to appear, go, pass, etc., rapidly or suddenly:

*=extra details that might help.

I have a love/hate relationship with Thanksgiving…

I’ll start out with the positive…I love having time with my family. It is always a blast whether its going to Ohio for the weekend or staying at home and having cinnamon rolls and watching the parade. I really just realize how lucky I am to have such a loving family…it feels so good to be surrounded by people who don’t judge me and love me for who I am.

Now for the hate part…the food. Now, im sure your jaw just dropped because I bet thats your favorite part. I hate pretty much all the food at thanksgiving. Im a super picky eater and so are many of my cousins and we sit and eat rolls. In our younger years we would beg for mcdonalds, but we’ve grown up a bit and realized its our fault we arent eating. haha My cousin *Aaron and I sat and just wished we were fatties. Enjoying alllll the great food and complaining of stumach aches…but no, we suffer of hunger. The rush right after thanksgiving is annoying as well. Black Friday shopping where people have DIED(really??ridiculous.) Which leads me to the point of this entry…

I was driving home from taking the *cuzrats home, and I believe 4 cars passed me. It was raining, *I wasn’t driving my van, and my dads lights suck…so I took my time speeding up to 55. Honestly, I was getting frustrated with everyone passing and then told myself “really Jessica? you do the exact same thing.” I did notice though that it was just people in a rush for black friday most likely, which made me sad. Christmas is my favorite time of year. ABSOLUTELY THE BEST. I feel so great during the month of december because everyone is in the Christmas spirit. Unfortunately, many people are distracted by other things to enjoy it/give it. Being in a rush is one of the biggest distractions people face.

I posted the definition of rush above^ and I’m gonna hit on #3(…to appear, go, pass, etc., rapidly or suddenly.) As I was driving home being frustrated, many thoughts just started rushing (ha) through my head. The whole reason to rush is to get to a destination: Rush on black friday to be the first in line, rush to get to school in time, rush to the bathroom to pee, rush into relationships to feel “alright” again…etc. but, have you ever noticed that sometimes, no matter how much you rush to get to that destination…you don’t always make it? When you fail on getting where you wanted, there’s that feeling of…nothing. You might be frustrated, because you realize that the sleep you lost from shopping at 3 am, the speeding ticket you may have got,  the bruise from tripping up the stairs to get to the bathroom (haha im sorry, i just really like using the bathroom analogy), or all the unsatisfaction and hurt you gained from the relationship, wasn’t worth it and got you nowhere. Have you ever thought “If only I would have…(insert action here)?” It being my senior year, so many people have in their head “college college college.” While college is def. something I must consider, it overwhelms so many people’s thoughts that they miss the things they are supposed to enjoy their last year of high school. Their are things arround you that you are supposed to notice. Whether its positive things or negative things. You’re supposed to notice how many great things are happening in your life and notice tough things that you might need to face. When people are in a rush, they push away and ignore everything thats happening around them…what GOD might be showing them. God is everywhere. He is bringing things into life for a reason and gives certain experiences for a reason. He gives so much to people that im sure isnt even noticed because of the rush they are in. Great, beautiful things are over looked constantly. Whether its the beautiful sunset and nature surrounding us…or neglecting someone who really cares. God has a lot going on…if you just stop and look around…you just might see something you didn’t see before. Something you may benefit from, or something you can be a benefit for.

My challenge for everyone this holiday season is to not consume yourselves with the selfish instincts Christmas brings with presents and such, but to see everything that makes Christmas what it truly is.

*Aaron- my super cool 16 yr old cousin on my dad’s side…goes to yorktown, super awesome at everything he does and is truly an awesome kid. I love him very much, he is a great blessing

*Cuzrats- Megan, Nathan, Aaron (who you just learned about) on my dads side. Nathan, 14 he’s the cutest and sweetest kid you’ll ever meet. Megan, typical nine year old girl who is a diva…but, a very sweet, fun diva.*

*Not driving my vehicle- On the way to the movies with the cuzrats and sisters in the van, at every stop sign my transmission decided to just poop out, yes my van is a crap.

Perfect People

Never let ‘em see you when you’re breaking
Never let ‘em see you when you fall
That’s how we live and that’s how we try
Tell the world you’ve got it all together
Never let them see what’s underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

There’s no such thing as perfect people
There’s no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it’s like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you’ve been
And you never have to go there again

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out let grace be enough

By a perfect God

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed.

                                                                                                                                    -Perfect People; Natalie Grant